Joy, Tears and Pain
by Kuroya-kun
Summary: This story is for Izumi-mun, I know I know, this story is embarassing. Well, since it's my first time wrote this kind of story. So don't laugh, idiot!


Izaya Orihara is my name. I'm a guy that everyone hates. Why? Because I'm different. People never though me as a person, they though me as a disgusting thing. Well, I already get used to it so it wasn't really matter. But, there's one girl who look at me as a person. Her name is Izumi Akazawa. She's the first person that though I'm a nice guy. I laughed at her that time. But now, I thanked her cause coming to my life. Izu-chan is what I called her, and Iza-kun is what she called me. We've been bestfriends since then. She's really special for me. She always with me when I'm sad or happy. And I try to always be there for her. Well, I'm still trying..

She's the first bestfriend I ever have. And that's why she's really precious for me. I don't want her to be sad. I want her to be happy. And she said she's happy with me being with her. I'm so glad heard she said that. But, it all started to change, when I tell her that I've got a boyfriend. I never keep a secret from her, that's my promise to her. But she, she started to change and avoid me. That's what I though. I always says to myself that "she just have a badmood". I always think like that. But, the fact she didn't have a badmood. She really is avoiding me. I try to ask her why is she avoiding me, but she said she didn't avoid me. I was confused. And then she barely talk to me. She never look at me in the eyes again. I feel like I had been thrown away like I was just a trash. I feel all alone again..

One day, her friends came to me and tell me Izu-chan true feelings to me. I was shocked. I don't know this whole time. My mind were mess up. I can't think anything. She.. to a monster like me? Its imposibble. But since then, I avoid her. I'm not brave enough to face her. I'm afraid. "That's why she changed when I have a boyfriend" that's what I though. But I still want to make up with her. So I forced myself and tried to talk to her. I tried to act normal towards her. I always greet her everytime. Sometimes she answer me, and sometimes she ignored me. There's one day I greet her. She did answer me, but the way she talk. It feel like, she were bothered by me. I don't know what's wrong. I keep greeting her, until she never answer me anymore. I keep watching her from far. She make a lot friends while I sit alone in the corner. She have a lot bestfriends now, while I just an ordinary friend for her. I want to yell at her asking what's wrong with us? I really want us to be friends like we used to be. What's wrong with the Izu-chan I know? Where is she? I miss her so bad..

Our distance been much more far away. She never talked to me again. And I keep watched her from far away. She talk happily with her new bestfriends. I want to join them. I want to talk happily with Izu-chan too, and I also want her to talk happily with me. But I can't. I'm too afraid to be thrown away again. I'm too afraid to be hurt again. So I keep watching her. I keep watching her until one day, I notice her be friends with a girl named Sei. I know who she is. She is the one who make my problem become worst. She's a girl I hate the most. I want to tell Izu-chan to avoid her. But its all too late. They already become friends. I don't know how to react. My bestfriends become friends with a girl I hate most. I want to break their friendship so bad. But I won't because I know. If I break their friendship, Izu-chan will hate me. That's why I'm just avoid them.

This loneliness is almost killing me. My boyfriends is busy with his work. But he always have time for me at night. Mean while, Izu-chan become much more far away. I try to make friends with others too. But I always failed. I always remembered her when I talk to other. I'm too afraid to make friends because I'm afraid to be hurt again. And so, I avoid talked with others. I keep a distance from people. I feel all hatred like I used to feel in the past coming back at me. But one thing that make it differents are, I can't forget Izu-chan. I feel lonely without her. I'm helpless. I'm pathetic. I'm sick with all of this. I don't know anything about friendship. I've never had a friends before. I never have a bond with someone before. How should I know? I'm not a person. I'm nothing. *sigh*

Up until now, I still tried to talk to her. And one day, that Sei girl and Izu-chan approach me. That Sei said "hey Iza-kun, you're so UNhandsome and not cool today, right Izu-chan?" that time I really want to smack her face. Who did she think she are? Calling me Iza-kun like she know me very well. I hate that bitch. My answer? I'm just quiet. And Izu-chan said "yeah, he so UNcool, you right Sei-chan" I'm a bit suprised that time. When that bitch talk, I feel like I want to kill her. But when Izu-chan talk like that, I feel something inside me were broken. And yes, it was my heart. My reply? I'm just thanking them and leave. I can't stand the pain so I leave. But Izu-chan chase after me. First, I felt so happy, I though Izu-chan want to apologize. But I was wrong, she didn't apologize, instead she beg me to forgive that bitch Sei. I want to shout out "GET AWAY FROM THAT BITCH IZU-CHAN! LOOK WHAT SHE HAVE DONE, SHE BREAK OUR FRIENDSHIP!" But I keep quiet and keep all of it by myself. I was hurt. My heart was broken. I was shocked. I know it just a prank, but it still hurt me. But.. Didn't she know that I was hurt? I... I don't know anymore. My mind all blank. I can't think of anything. I just walk away and leave her. I feel like crying. that time..

Since then, we never talk again. I start avoiding her and she keep avoiding me. Our friendship will reach an end. I can feel it. Why? I give you three reason. First, she never talked to me again. Second, the way she talk to me is like talking to a stranger. Third, I have a feeling that she hate my boyfriend. I'm not over thinking it. Its the truth. I know it since she always compared herself with him. There once she ask me to choose who I like the most, her or him. I know if I choose him. She will hate me. But I can't lie and choose her. And so my answer is, "I can't compare you two". Her response? She laughed, maybe she think I have a pity on her so I answer it like that. But the truth is I really can't compare them. They both are important for me. But I bet she doesn't believe me. So I went quiet and let her think whatever she want.

And now, we never talked each other again. Her number of friends keep increasing and my number of friends keep decreasing. I don't care anymore. If she happy with this, then I'll be happy for her. If she like that bitch, then I'll try to like her. If she want to avoid me, then I won't be near her. If she forget me then I'll wait for her to remember me. If she doesn't need me, then I'll keep waiting until she needs me. I am a pathetic guy. What can I do? I deserve this all. I am an idiot. I am pathetic. I am insensitive. I am the worst. I'm just an idiot guy who want his bestfriends to be happy. Is that too much?

If God really exist. Can you send my wish for her?

I wish she'll always be happy with her friends.

I wish she'll always laugh with her friends

I wish she'll never cry anymore

I wish her friends will always be there for her

I wish nothing bad will ever happen to her

I wish her days will always be a nice day

I wish trouble will never come to her

I wish she'll meet a much more better person than me

I wish she'll be treated much more nicely than how I treated her

And the last..

I wish she'll forget me once and forever..

I know, my wish is ridiculous. But that's what my true feelings for her. She's too precious to me that I'll do anything for her happiness. I know I'm pathetic. Well, I don't know how to express my feeling. This is all I could think off.

And for the last, if you guys meet her, please tell her that..

I always wish for her happiness..

Ne Izu-chan..

Even you never though me as a friends anymore

I will always though you as my first and my last bestfriend I ever have

Jaa na... Izu-chan...

20 JUNE 2013

Izaya Orihara


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